Dear Diary
Jul. 20th, 2017 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sadie_sys Dear Diary,
NCL here.
A lot happened this week. Hateful bigots revealed themselves in our local communities, both the local queer community and just in the neighborhood. I'm proud to say the community has rallied to push these people out. Its a lot of work because some of them have a lot of power but progress is being made. I'm trying to stay involved but so far it's really been SJ who has done the most out of anyone in our system. I'm proud of her.
My hand was injured. It was late at night but when I called my partner crying she came right over and drove me to the ER. The ER treated me poorly, but at least there was little evidence that it was transmisogyny or homophobia and not just commonplace ER disorganization. I mean they did do the "oh what a good friend" thing but if you saw how tired the doctor who said that was you'd forgive her too.
My partner's wife came too. I love them both so much. My partner's wife has been a very caring friend to me and has gone out of her way to try to understand my multipleness. My partner has always been there for me and I know she always will be.
There was a tough few days when I couldn't use my right hand. I'm right handed, so I couldn't cook, clean, brush my hair, or ride my bike to the store. I blew about $50 on pizza for dinner. I could have asked my partner to come help me cook but I just felt like that would be asking too much. I know it wouldn't have been too much, I'm just conditioned not to ask for things I need for myself.
We binged The Flash and Little Witch Academia on Netflix. There's a bunch of new anime on CrunchyRoll that's very up our alley too, the stand out of which is Knights & Magic -- a show about an autistic software engineer with a special interest in Gundam model kits, who dies and is reincarnated as a very femme boy in a medieval world with magical mecha.
SJ has gotten herself involved in local activism. It was a big surprise that she would be able to do that at all. I think the anti-depressants we started a month ago have helped her charge forward without being overwhelmed by thoughts of how things could go wrong. I can't quite remember what she has been doing in detail but I know it's been stressful. I get the stress even though I wasn't involved. It doesn't seem entirely fair. But I'm proud of her and I want to support her. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also worried for her. I've seen people get chewed up and spit out by activism work even when they're contributing in the smallest ways.
We got a canvass letter for a civil service position. It's the second one from this organization so hopefully that means they're looking further down the list of people who took the test. I got about a 99 on it. People who got 100 get picked first. Since they're sending out more letters maybe they ran out of 100s to fill all their positions. Maybe I can finally get a job after five years.
Feeling dependent on the partner I live with has been wearing on me. I know she wants to be with someone who isn't always just scraping by. I can't blame her for wanting financial stability in her life. Being poor sucks. Worrying about having a second income in the house incase something happens is a legit concern. But there's also the matter of my own pride. And my own desire to just be able to, for instance, get my bicycle (my only vehicle) repaired professionally without stressing over whether or not I'll end up overdrafting this month. Or end up without any money to spend on pizza if I injure my hand and can't cook.
My hand is doing OK now btw. It's not at 100% but I can do almost everything I could do before, and I'm going to completely recover. I have a follow up appointment next week and then it might take another week to fully heal. I'll just have a cool scar if anything.
Thanks for listening. Goodnight diary. Wish me luck fighting insomnia.
--NCl
NCL here.
A lot happened this week. Hateful bigots revealed themselves in our local communities, both the local queer community and just in the neighborhood. I'm proud to say the community has rallied to push these people out. Its a lot of work because some of them have a lot of power but progress is being made. I'm trying to stay involved but so far it's really been SJ who has done the most out of anyone in our system. I'm proud of her.
My hand was injured. It was late at night but when I called my partner crying she came right over and drove me to the ER. The ER treated me poorly, but at least there was little evidence that it was transmisogyny or homophobia and not just commonplace ER disorganization. I mean they did do the "oh what a good friend" thing but if you saw how tired the doctor who said that was you'd forgive her too.
My partner's wife came too. I love them both so much. My partner's wife has been a very caring friend to me and has gone out of her way to try to understand my multipleness. My partner has always been there for me and I know she always will be.
There was a tough few days when I couldn't use my right hand. I'm right handed, so I couldn't cook, clean, brush my hair, or ride my bike to the store. I blew about $50 on pizza for dinner. I could have asked my partner to come help me cook but I just felt like that would be asking too much. I know it wouldn't have been too much, I'm just conditioned not to ask for things I need for myself.
We binged The Flash and Little Witch Academia on Netflix. There's a bunch of new anime on CrunchyRoll that's very up our alley too, the stand out of which is Knights & Magic -- a show about an autistic software engineer with a special interest in Gundam model kits, who dies and is reincarnated as a very femme boy in a medieval world with magical mecha.
SJ has gotten herself involved in local activism. It was a big surprise that she would be able to do that at all. I think the anti-depressants we started a month ago have helped her charge forward without being overwhelmed by thoughts of how things could go wrong. I can't quite remember what she has been doing in detail but I know it's been stressful. I get the stress even though I wasn't involved. It doesn't seem entirely fair. But I'm proud of her and I want to support her. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also worried for her. I've seen people get chewed up and spit out by activism work even when they're contributing in the smallest ways.
We got a canvass letter for a civil service position. It's the second one from this organization so hopefully that means they're looking further down the list of people who took the test. I got about a 99 on it. People who got 100 get picked first. Since they're sending out more letters maybe they ran out of 100s to fill all their positions. Maybe I can finally get a job after five years.
Feeling dependent on the partner I live with has been wearing on me. I know she wants to be with someone who isn't always just scraping by. I can't blame her for wanting financial stability in her life. Being poor sucks. Worrying about having a second income in the house incase something happens is a legit concern. But there's also the matter of my own pride. And my own desire to just be able to, for instance, get my bicycle (my only vehicle) repaired professionally without stressing over whether or not I'll end up overdrafting this month. Or end up without any money to spend on pizza if I injure my hand and can't cook.
My hand is doing OK now btw. It's not at 100% but I can do almost everything I could do before, and I'm going to completely recover. I have a follow up appointment next week and then it might take another week to fully heal. I'll just have a cool scar if anything.
Thanks for listening. Goodnight diary. Wish me luck fighting insomnia.
--NCl
